I came to a rather abrupt and quite a startling realisation. I need to forgive humanity. For what, you might wonder? Well, for being human, essentially.
For various reasons, I don't like people-in-general very much. People-in-general have been, pardon my implied language, on my sh**list for most of my life. Oh, I like individual persons, even love them. And I do practice "
casting love" to people (even to people-in-general!), but the fact is, I'm extremely wary of human beings. With a few exceptions, I've mostly perceived people to be untrustworthy, ignorant, arrogant, and tending toward cruelty.
Is this really true, or did I just believe it and therefore saw people that way, and attracted people like that into my life? I don't think it really matters at this point. Fact is, while I'm not a misanthrope, I generally don't like people-in-general because of my perceptions of what people-in-general are like.
Now I'm seeing that my experience of people (actually more with people-in-particular than with people-in-general), while certainly valid from a certain perspective, may have had as much to do with me and how I perceived people as it did with the people, themselves. I had "VICTIM" written all over me, so is it really any surprise that I attracted predators and bullies and ended up being victimised?
I'm not blaming myself, mind you (though I do own it). I'm seeing that there's actually no reason to place blame
anywhere at all.
And with that understanding comes the clear perception that I don't actually need to be angry with or especially mistrustful of people-in-general. Humanity just is what it is and people just do what they do. What is the point of disliking humanity for being human? It seems there isn't one.
Furthermore, it's not the fault of people-in-general that
some people-in-particular are or have been obnoxious, cruel, hateful, stupid, ignorant, arrogant, whatever. It's not the fault of people-in-general that they are, for the most part, unaware and effectively sleepwalking through life. Most people never become aware, they never wake up, and that just is what it is. Does it
really matter if people are aware? If they're ignorant? If they're self-limiting and just sway in whatever the popular tide might be like seaweed? Nope. It doesn't matter in the least, because that's just the way it is, and even if it did matter, why do I need to be angry about it?
I may as well complain about the weather or gravity or menstruation. It just is what it is, there's no need to get emotionally attached to any of it. It's not personal, my annoyance with it won't change anything, and, bottom line, it's all just
STUFF anyway.
So I let go of my grudge against humanity, and that includes my own humanity, too.
Now, I will admit, I wasn't expecting to see a lot come of this. I thought I'd feel better and maybe, slowly, my attitude would change and my perceptions would change and so forth. But today when I was waiting for a train, a lady struck up a conversation with me. She asked what the book I was reading was. As it happens, it's a book about reality creation, that is, about how we create our own reality, and how our thoughts and perceptions shape our experience of life. I was cautious at first because this is not something you can talk about to just anyone (people get seriously weirded out by the idea that they create their own reality), but she was clearly aware of the concepts and she was very... I don't know, trustworthy.
Turns out she was a counsellor for families in crisis, and she specifically worked with women who were in violent relationships. She helped to guide them to see and understand that their own beliefs, perceptions, participation in the drama, and so forth was what was creating the situation.
We talked until I got off the train (about a twenty minute ride), and she was very supportive and kind and I was deeply moved. During the course of the conversation, I realised how very grateful I am for my family (the one I've created and which came with my marriage, not necessarily the family-of-origin), for a few other things I have in my life, for my transformation from victim to survivor to "just being", for my growing awareness, for, well, a lot of things. When I got off the train, I thanked her sincerely, and I feel very blessed to have met her.
So, the lesson here appears to be that if I just drop my perceptions and concepts and fear, cool things happen. I like this one.
Blessings to you, Donna. You really made my day (and maybe more).
